EnviroMENTAL

Mother Nature is one scary bitch. She has things on this planet, that would frankly make Captain America piss his pant. Example: Australia aka The Most Poisonous Fucking Place On Earth.

Seriously. I'm not kidding. Google that shit.

Animals have evolved to become living death-machines. A single bite from a venomous spider could kill you all kinds of dead. 12 times over. Per bite. And then there are ape-shit killer wasps, who spray your ass with pheromones, so that 20 to 30 of these inch long bastards could come sting you till you're a bloated, quivering, mass of meat and fecal matter. Again, i ain't kidding. Google it.

Go on, i'll wait here till you recover from the sting in the face you got from just reading about those mean sons of bitches.

As humans, we are by far the weakest and most basic model of a living being. Leave us naked and alone in a jungle, and there won't be a fucking John Rambo. They'd just be you curled up in the fetal position, sucking on your thumb while half your body was being eaten by a bunch of ants. Yes, fucking ants! Warrior Ants to be specific. Google it.

So despite all these obvious shortcomings. We still walk around thinking we are the most evolved creatures on the face of this planet. We kill, pillage and burn our way through forests, jungles, and water ways simply as an overcompensation for our weak and fragile bodies complete with tiny penises and under developed nuts. We prove our dominance over every other living thing by simply killing them off with underhanded brutal and totally fucking weak instruments. We basically have all the self-esteem of a gnat when it comes to dealing with nature.

I know what you're saying. We got our brains. That's what nature gave us. Our superior intellect. Well, i could look around me right now and point out at least 50 people who obviously failed that step in evolution. Furthermore, look what our great big brains have brought us. Death. Starvation. Famine. War. Pestilence. Murder. Rape. And reality TV.

Oh, and that bitch Oprah. Fuck her.

It is all too often that we forget we are of the primate ancestry. Basically we're just a bunch of shit-flinging monkeys. But, no. We still count ourselves superior to animals. We keep messing with their environment just as much as we can. When will you humans get it. Nature has a plan. And we're fucking it up.

We're fucking Pinky, to Mother Nature's Brain.

And of course when Mother Nature has had enough of our mucking about. She offs us by the thousands. Earthquakes. Tsunamis. Tornadoes. Viruses. The internet. Can't you realize this is nature's way of telling us to get the fuck off the planet. Or at least stop multiplying at the speed of sound. And we call these things tragedies. We get up in arms to battle it, and stop it from ever happening again (while at the same time developing new and exciting ways to off thousands of our own kind while we're at it). Way to go you big-brained imbeciles.

Where the fuck was the tragedy when the gorillas were hunted to near extinction? Where were the bloody militiamen protecting the white rhinos? Where were you over-intelligent fucking orangutans when the real orangutans were slaughtered? You want to talk about the homeless? What of the millions of homeless creatures left behind after their jungle homes were turned into paper on which to wipe your ass with? Ass-wipe.

Humility has never been one of my strong points. But when i stand in the face of a woman who could kick my ass in ways that would make the Hulk cry, i will kneel. Bow. Grovel even. And that's what we need to realize. Stop fucking nature, or you will soon feel that gentle hand slowly bending you over the ladder of evolution, and aiming for maximum penetration.

I am going to go curl up in a ball now, and think about all those ants i fried as a kid, and pray they don't have long memories...